no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
