i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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