I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
