So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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