my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
