So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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