There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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