I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
