The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
