my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My liver just had a heart attack.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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