i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
