Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
