If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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