Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
