Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
