You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
