I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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