Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
sex in a hospital.. check
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
