Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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