So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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