You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
