She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
