ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
