I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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