you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
