I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I AM VODKA MAN
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
