my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Holy sore nipples Batman
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
