I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
