I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
