i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
