In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
