You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
smell my finger.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I want a musical about memes.
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