The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
