she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
