Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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