I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
