My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
