I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
