Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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