one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
