I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
