Well douche your snatch and let's go!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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