Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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