I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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