I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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