you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
