She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
