you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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