that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
