Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I enjoy the company of your penis
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