wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
